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The Insincerity of White Privilege

Calling out leftist double standards, fraud, and hypocrisy is a full-time job for conservative writers. Although every smidgen of flatulence is still holy air when belched from Obama’s derriere (as opposed to Ivanka Trump, who was profiled in a case of Pulitzer-winning journalism for blaming a peer in high school about passing gas), it would be refreshing to see the “Democracy Dies in Darkness” Washington Post engage in some fact checking every now and again on Democrats.

Of course, since Joe Biden would sooner speak coherently than the Post would critique his current mumblings, it is up to intrepid conservative writers to fill the void of real journalism. Elected officials practicing doublespeak, like Denver Mayor Michael Hancock and California Governor Gavin Newsome should be expected; traditional white liberals deserve the blame for living conservative lives but repeatedly enabling those behaviors to continue.

Nothing set hypocritical events in motion like the accusation of white privilege. White Privilege is, in the words of our fine millennial generation, so 2012. Indeed, pop culture has graduated from stupidly pointing out inherent benefits to simply associating anyone with right-of-AOC politics with the KKK. Or Trump, for that matter, which in their minds is probably worse.

Still, in the interest of holding liberal, self-righteous fools accountable, some anecdotal truths offer an illumination into the obnoxious and ostensibly dangerous notion of white privilege, the predecessor to every other baseless claims like white guilt, white shame, white power, white supremacy, and whiteness. No wonder white leftists are miserable; who wouldn’t hate themselves if they believed all of this?

I have friends and affinal family members in the field of public education who eat up this anti-white crusade quicker than Rosie O’Donnell did the pumpkin pie this year (which she didn’t even have to share if she adhered to her state’s lockdown orders). Side note: Rosie fat jokes will always be relevant. Just enjoy this timeless Trumpian gem.

These individuals take for granted that whites have privilege, and they are amazingly the first to acknowledge it, weaning it as a badge of pride (as well as both moral and intellectual superiority). In fact, if you question them on it, they are mortified and dumbfounded. What do you mean you don’t believe in your privilege, they will ask you. My response varies on the day and mood, as well as how much they’re sanctimoniously infringing upon my rationality.

Didn’t you grow up on food stamps and hand-me-downs? Where was your privilege?

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If your mom has privilege, why is she still working two hourly jobs when most people have retired?

Didn’t your colleague Demarcus get hired before you because he better reflects the demographics of the school?

Just so I understand you correctly: If I am white, work hard, and am successful, it’s because of my privilege. But if someone else is black, works hard, and is successful, it’s…what again?

Are the 16 million white Americans living under the poverty line just stupid? Do you think they should just access their privilege better?

How do you explain whites voting evenly for Republicans and Democrats in presidential elections? Aren’t we all the same?

Why do your siblings all have varying levels of success, from millionaire, to you as a teacher, to your deadbeat brother? Didn’t you all have the same privilege?

Before you say driving while black is deadly or blacks are killed by the police more, could you tell me how many black people have been killed in the suburbs while sober and complying with officer commands? Might urban lifestyles, in conjunction with intoxication and arrest resistance, increase the likelihood of a deadly encounter? Either way, how do you explain the roughly 1,000 police killings of suspects against the 60 million police encounters – does that seem like a murderous rampage?

Finally, now that you’ve been teaching in urban and first-ring suburban schools for several years now, don’t you have to at least partially acknowledge that students show up in your class as products of their home environment? I mean, blacks are supposedly downtrodden, but there are black kids who read better than their white peers and black students who can’t read at all; at the same time, you have white kids from methed-out families and white students from professional-working families. Might your interpretation of “white privilege” be a little surface level and ignorant of life’s many nuances and challenges?

Teaching as a profession is not easy. Teaching as a profession does not get easier when we blame the decent and dedicated white staff that chooses to be there as the problem. Nevertheless, these individuals with whom I closely associate have chosen to accept the lie that they are the problem for their black kids failing.

Let’s entertain the fallacious concept of their privilege. Mindsets aside, the only real question to ask them what they are doing about it? What sacrificial and generous actions are they taking to reduce their privileged lifestyles and elevate those of the less fortunate?

In my small case study, my friend chose to move to a new development in a flourishing community that has expensive homes and a predictably high white population. They were living in a modestly white suburb but upgraded to a nicer amenities. The suburb is far removed from any urban center and its a successful community because of shared values and work ethos. It is safe, has access to a number of “good” schools. Oh, and they bought a brand new vehicle that fits their little baby and their little baby’s $1,000 stroller.

How does she justify this action? She would’ve voted for Biden twice if the machines hadn’t already overstuffed the ballot boxes, thinks I am a monster for working in education while holding onto traditional American values, and then has the gall to purchase a new build an entire hour outside the state’s biggest city all while pushing her infant in something that costs more than her students’ parents make in a week. Umm, come again?

The second person, this family member if you will, might be worse…if that’s possible. In the months since George Kirby seemingly overdosed while in police custody, she has undertaken a literary pilgrimage from her leather couch to include the masterpieces of White Privilege, Stamped, How To Be An Anti-Racist, and a host of other generic and banal titles that hate on white people and capitalism, all while marketing themselves to white people and making obscene profits.

She now likes every Facebook post or Tweet that alludes to her racism and complicity in the white supremacist system, and even accused her sister (my wife) of being brainwashed by her husband. She literally could not figure out how else her kin voted for Trump. If female empowerment is accusing your sister of succumbing to a man’s political leanings, then she obviously read the right book.

Of course, it is easy to espouse white nonsense when living in a second-ring suburb and teaching – I kid you not – in a rural, white, sleeper community. So while she is learning to hate herself and become a morally superior human being, she is also terrified to teach black students and is shocked when I come home with stories of how my students behaved that day. Sanctimonious and clueless don’t begin to describe her.

The list goes on. A previous article about my Uncle Brian explored the tradition of white liberals living lives so inconsistent with their supposed values that it defies logic. I would pity them, except their beliefs and voting habits make it likelier every day that my life will become harder. I pity their small minds, but equally pity my inevitably decreased bank account and shrinking constitutional rights.

At this point, while it isn’t solving anything, I just look at these fools and tell them how much I enjoy my privilege. The golf course was great today! My boat ran like it was brand new! Those heated seats really saved me today! Thanks for recommending that expensive baby stroller; I don’t even have to push! This baby is going to grow up with so much privilege thanks to two loving (and white) parents!

It is fun to corner them with their own stupidity.