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Those Were The Days… What If?

Sometimes it’s refreshing to look back and see where we’ve been on our way to where we are. How innocent it all seems today! Just imagine these storylines from the mainstream media as the Trumps prepared for the Oval Office:

Those were the days: Trump and Melania were sitting around the campfire, reminiscing. “Remember when we drove across Slovenia in the stretch limo with the kids on top and the dog in back?”

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Election night: “Melania, why are you crying?” “I just don’t know how I can follow Mrs Obama’s act. She’s so gorgeous, so feminine! And nobody even wants to dress me! What shall I do? What shall I do?”

Vogue magazine: After eight years of the svelte, impossibly beautiful Michelle Obama, how do we deal with this cow Melania Trump?”

Foreign leaders: Trump grouses, “After dealing with movers and shakers all my life, now it’s this French guy with the Italian name, Macaroni, Micrometer, what’s-his-name? Sad!”

Election night: Mrs Trump plans their triumphal walk. “Donald, I wanna be able to strut like on the catwalk so you gotta give me a wide berth. Better yet, you walk on ahead and clear the way.”

Texas hurricane: “Honey, I’m gonna be running a Ditch Witch, but you go ahead and wear a form-fitting sweatshirt and those $17.8 million heels from Valentine’s day. You can change to the $1.47 million tennis shoes once we’re there, nobody will notice.”

Tax cut: Marie Harf says it’s all Barama’s fault that the economy is booming and the war on ISIS is over. “Once them boys over there got jobs, things fell right into place, just like we said!”

Jared Kushner: The presidential son-in-law denies he’s an internet Unitarian minister, Ivanka denies she ever trained for the UFC  octagon, Melania denies she’s from another planet and Trump denies ever escaping from Shawshank.  All we ever get from these people is denials.

 By Jack Rail

Jack Rail is a retired Army officer who writes mostly when something gets his goat.

Photo by Brett Jordan on Unsplash

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