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Ahh, Yes… Those 72 Innocents

Resolved, that all unmarried man living under sharia law are horny. Horny in a way western men can’t imagine. Achingly horny. Painfully horny. Savagely, ferociously horny.

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Think about it. They stone loose women to death, they cut the heads off adulteresses, and there’s no dating as we know it. So, no women are available to, uh, service these miserable curs. No wonder they’re so eager to die for Allah: Remember those 72 virgins!

Who in Creation would want to live the way Taliban guys live, anyway? The women do all the work so the guys can practice being vicious curs on any woman they catch all by herself. Mind you, that’s no easy thing. They gotta take care to beat, rape, and kill only women who have no menfolk who might take umbrage. Some guys just got no sense of fun at all.

But look at it from the Taliban point of view. Those weird Americans think it’s wrong to beat their women, so the latter go around inflaming innocent young men by flashing flesh, smiling, using cosmetics and doing up their hair. Oh, and they shave their legs and underarms! and perfume themselves! There’s just no understanding such people.

It’s also a fact that if God hadn’t wanted the Taliban to break things and beat up the inoffensive, He wouldn’t have provided all those shiny storefront windows, helpless old men and women on the streets, and cars to shoot at. And stuff to burn. And bombs to set off. It’s obvious to any fair person that Allah clearly intended the righteous to set the proper example.

‘Sides, it’s an effective way to work off your tensions.

Ultimately, then, the question comes down to this: Will the Taliban, or al-Qaeda, or Isis, or Isis-k, or BLM run out of exploding volunteers before America runs out of tall buildings?

By Jack Rail

Jack Rail is a retired Army officer who writes mostly when something gets his goat.

Photo by Phoebert Hoenzoeller at Flickr.

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