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Hank is the Smartest Dog with the Not-Smartest Owner (But He Keeps Me Anyhow)

It seems to be the liberal, socialist, progressive, Democrat…whatever the appellation of the moment… working in their always vegetated state into some silly project or cause for society no matter the lunatic levers needed to execute the said project. For this article, let’s settle on “Liberals/Karens” as the objects of deserved ridicule

If you have a dog, and you don’t live in the country (where sanity still reigns somewhat), it is a necessity (and a pleasure) to walk them from time to time.

But the Liberals/Karens de rigueur movement of the last few years is to carry little plastic poop bags and gather up “Fido’s” former meal and remove it from the ground (Hmmm, I thought they wanted the earth to be greener — guess not).

And in typical Liberal/Karen fashion, the process is now almost a religion, with the priestesses, Mother- Liberals/Karens, out and about to be the poop police.

Recently, I was walking my good friend Hank, who enjoys a good walk and a happy-go-lucky poop 2 or 3 times a day, when he stopped to make a happy pile. I hadn’t noticed until I heard a lady from across the street, her own pooch-on-leash, in tow, holler “DO YOU NEED A BAG?” To this query, she waved one of those little plastic zip-lock baggies above her head. I supposed she had been watching me to see if I was loaded with a baggie supply. I carry neither zip-locks nor masks.

But to be polite I answered her: “NO.”

This, of course, brought us into distant, albeit polite, conversation (hollering across the cul-de-sac)

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She: Nothing clearly audible to my old ears, but it sounded in the nature of “Hrrrump,#$%^&.” Her dog continued walking her. And I continued walking Hank.

We remained on opposite sides of the street,

I have tried to imagine what these people do with their dogs in their own yards. Do they go outside and pick the poop up?

This is somewhat how the liberal mental machinations work, I suppose. One teaches his (I don’t do the “he/she” nonsense) dog to poop outside—called being housebroken—but then when the pooch poops outside, the owner must go outside, pick it up and bring it inside, I suppose.  Inside, of course, is where it (the poop) was not wanted in the first place. But, Liberals/Karens? Go figure.

Why not just try and potty train Pooch instead of house-breaking Pooch? Again, Liberals/Karens—go figure.

I can see the reasoning of poop scoopers in concrete meccas like New York City or Washington, D. C. (D.C. is full of s***!). Even down in Houston, we clean up after the greatest show on earth, The Houston Livestock Show and Rodeo. Certainly, New York’s sidewalks should get a poop-scoop when necessary.

After all, a shoeshine still costs something to a non-dog owner. Washington D.C.? Who knows? Who cares? Again, they are full of s***!

I have been on many Texas cattle ranches and have yet to see a cowhand picking up cow patties and putting them in plastic bags.

But this craziness of a ritualistic dung dance around their canine cupids with plastic bags stinks (pardon the pun-ish treatment).

Do these people have any idea how many pounds of crap are dumped during any 24 hours in their yards or onto the easement in front of it? I doubt there are EPA numbers on the subject (bureaucrats are not agrarian bent). Among God’s enumerable creatures you can be sure that during the course of 24/7, a wonderous number of possums, coons, coyotes, feral cats, armadillos, squirrels, not to mention the hundreds and hundreds of birds that bomb the place, routinely, leave their happy piles for your yard. And pounds and pounds of it.

This is really part of a green new deal.

A recent posting (by me) on FB:

San Francisco

On August 29, 1978, San Francisco enacted its first pooper scooper ordinance. According to Sec. 40 of the city’s health code, dog owners are required to remove or clean up any feces left by their dog and dispose of it into a proper dog poop disposal container.

Sec.40c states even further that dog owners are responsible for carrying some form of container or instrument (poop bag) to remove the feces.

Sooo, you could get fined $320 for each mistake — failure to clean up and failure to carry a suitable container for the removal of any feces deposited by your dog.

However, San Francisco hires and pays pooper scoopers $185,000.00/year (including benefits) to pick up human feces, which people are allowed to “dump” anywhere they “regularly” desire.

Consequently, if “Karen” is walking her dog, she may feel free to “dump” along the way, but pooch may not, unless she has an (get this) environmentally friendly poop bag.

So, as far as your pooch is concerned, take that plastic bag and stick it in that place where these face masks should be—where the sun don’t shine.

After all, Liberals/Karens hate sunshine. Cloudy days are their métier.

Say goodbye, Hank. Bow Wow, and have a nice day.

By Paul Yarbrough

Paul Yarbrough writes novels, short stories, poetry, and essays. His first novel. Mississippi Cotton is a Kindle bestseller. His author site can be found on Amazon. He writes political commentary for CommDigiNews.

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The views and opinions expressed in this article are solely those of the author and do not necessarily represent those of The Blue State Conservative. The BSC is not responsible for, and does not verify the accuracy of, any information presented.

Photo by Jenn Simpson on Unsplash