I can’t say I have ever heard of a good White House Correspondents’ Dinner, so let’s just start there. The corrupt, immoral alliance between Big Media and Big Government (i.e. The Deep State) doesn’t make for an entertaining soiree. It’s even less entertaining when the supposed adults in charge hire a child to tell jokes.
Donald Trump got a lot of things right as president, and skipping the annual swampy onanism was one of them. Before he got banned by the totalitarian leftists at Twitter (looking at you now, Elon!), he offered these comments on the speech:
“The White House Correspondents’ Dinner was a failure last year, but this year was an embarrassment to everyone associated with it.”
“This was a total disaster and an embarrassment to our great Country and all that it stands for.”
The full roast is unbearable (CSPAN even stopped broadcasting it halfway through lest they get fined for indecency), but I have also provided some lowlights below. Here’s one “joke” she used early on:
“Thanks to Trump, pink yarn sales are through the roof. After Trump got elected, women started knitting those pussy hats. When I first saw them I was like, “That’s a pussy?” I guess mine just has a lot more yarn on it.”
Catch the rest here:
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Like a porn star says when she’s about to have sex with a Trump, “Let’s get this over with.”
Of course, Trump isn’t here, if you haven’t noticed, he’s not here. And I know, I know, I would drag him here myself, but it turns out the president of the United States is the one pussy you’re not allowed to grab. He said it first, yeah he did.
Which, of course, brings me to the #MeToo movement. It’s probably the reason I’m here. They were like, “A woman’s probably not going to jerk off in front of anyone, right?” And to that I say, don’t count your chickens. There’s a lot of parties.
Mitch McConnell isn’t here tonight, he had a prior engagement, he’s finally getting his neck circumcised. Mazel.
Paul Ryan also couldn’t make it. Of course, he’s already been circumcised. Unfortunately, while they were down there, they also took his balls.\
There’s also, of course, Ivanka. She was supposed to be an advocate for women, but it turns out she’s about as helpful to women as an empty box of tampons. She’s done nothing to satisfy women, so I guess, like father, like daughter. Oh, you don’t think he’s good in bed, come on
Every time Sarah steps up to the podium I get excited, because I’m not really sure what we’re going to get — you know, a press briefing, a bunch of lies or divided into softball teams. “It’s shirts and skins, and this time don’t be such a little bitch, Jim Acosta!”
And I’m never really sure what to call Sarah Huckabee Sanders, you know? Is it Sarah Sanders, is it Sarah Huckabee Sanders, is it Cousin Huckabee, is it Auntie Huckabee Sanders? Like, what’s Uncle Tom but for white women who disappoint other white women? Oh, I know. Aunt Coulter.
Trump is so broke he grabs pussies because he thinks there might be loose change in them.
This amature hour permofance even got the people who hired her to backtrack and cover their own derrieres. After taking much-deserved flak, the White House Correspondents Association sent out this tweet:
— WHCA (@whca) April 30, 2018
“The entertainer’s monologue was not in the spirit of the WHCA.” Gee, you think?