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Democrats Declare Democracy Is Biggest Threat To Our Democracy, Could End All Democracies [Satire]

Last week’s leak of a draft version of the majority opinion of the forthcoming Supreme Court decision on the Dobbs V Jackson case indicates that the landmark Roe V Wade case that has been the law of the land for almost fifty years is going to be struck down.

The major change to American laws once the decision takes effect is that each state will have control over its own abortion laws. The federal government’s supremacy on the matter will disappear, and it will be up to the governors and legislators in each state to determine each state’s laws. In other words, the people who we elect to state office will be responsible for setting the laws. But the Democratic Party strongly believes that such democracy will be a threat to democracy.

CNN’s Brian Stelter, who has become the Democrats’ de facto leader regarding talking points and policy priorities, set the tone when he said:

“How are we going to preserve our democracy if people are allowed to vote and determine the laws in their own state? For a democracy to work we must have the media controlling the narrative to ensure the people are thinking properly. We must have the federal government’s executive branch operating without accountability to Congress or the states. And we need the voters to be obediently nodding their heads. That’s how democracies work.”

Democrats immediately picked up on Stelter’s marching orders and began reiterating his points. For instance, Rep. Anna Eshoo (D-CA) had this to say (and this is an actual quote):

“I think when there is a cleavage between the highest court in the land and the people, that confidence can turn to chaos. A lack of confidence in our institutions, in our branches of government, is an unraveling of democracy.”

Sen. Elizabeth Warren (D-CA) immediately chimed in when she pointed out, “Pocahontas had an abortion. What if those mean white settlers had tried to stop her? She might have been stuck raising a kid and we’d have never heard about her.”

Feminist activist and C-List actress Alyssa Milano posted a picture of herself wearing an outfit from the Handmaid’s Tale on Twitter with this statement:

“This is devastating to our democracy. I told you that Kavanaugh guy would try to stop us from killing our babies, but you wouldn’t believe me. Now look what’s happening. And by the way, don’t I look cute in this costume?”

President Joe Biden was asked to comment on the leak as he walked to board his helicopter and said,

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“I think a woman’s right to proportion is very important, and this ruling would be a grave threat to our hypocrisy, er, kleptocracy… um, democracy. And I really like pudding. Hey, you over there, get off my lawn!”

On Wednesday, Joy Behar, co-host of The View, suggested that women in America should commence with a “sex strike” in retaliation for the Supreme Court decision. On Thursday as a follow-up to Behar’s suggestion, a Blue State Conservative/Trending Politics poll showed that 101% of American men strongly supported Behar’s commitment to refrain from sex.

Vice-President Kamala Harris became glassy-eyed when discussing the matter, saying “We need to reflect on the significance of the passage of laws… the passage of laws. Laws are rules that people in government make for everyone else.”

House Speaker Nancy Pelosi was asked to comment on the SCOTUS leak and its threat to democracy, but her spokesperson explained that she was at the hairdressers and was wearing her mask.

By Mondayus Satiricus

Mondayus Satircus is a non-binary political reporter whose preferred pronouns are kazhe/kazhim/kazhis and you had better use the proper pronouns. Kazhe has doctorate degrees in Journalism from Harvard, Yale, Princeton, Columbia, and the University of California Berkeley. Mondayus enjoys spending kazhis spare time smoking banana peels and tending to kazhis pet crickets. Kazhe does not participate in social media since none of you are worthy of kazhis attention.

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The views and opinions expressed in this article are solely those of the author and do not necessarily represent those of The Blue State Conservative. The BSC is not responsible for, and does not verify the accuracy of, any information presented.

Notice: This article is complete satire, so lighten up.

Featured photo by Photo by Rosemary Ketchum at Pexels: