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VP Kamala Harris Explains “The Significance Of The Passage Of Seriousness” [Satire]

Earlier this year, Vice-President Kamala Harris gave us her thoughts on the profoundness of “The significance of the passage of time,” which was arguably the best speech by a Vice-President since Walter Mondale’s comparison of the Shah of Iran and the shops of Iraq. Then last week, Harris again shared her extensive knowledge with us with a lesson on being serious.

But yesterday, Ms. Harris outdid herself by combining key aspects of both of those orations, when she appeared at the annual convention of Women Against Babies And Men Opposing Guns (WABAMOG), Harris stated the following:

“As Americans, it’s time we appreciated the significance of the passage of seriousness. Because when seriousness passes, that means we’re in a seriously significant passageway. And when tragedy strikes and someone passes, that’s a significant passage. Seriously.”

A puzzled member of the foreign press corps asked Harris to clarify her statement, implying that Harris’ statement was nonsensical. Harris responded:

“Seriously? And I’ll bet you also opposed busing. Well, let me tell you something. Back then when Joe Biden was still a racist, there was a little girl who used to ride those buses, and that little girl was me.”

Accolades and cheers from Hollywood and the media began pouring in almost immediately. Leftwing actress Debra Messing opined, “I may not be totally clear on what her message was, but I know this: she’s brilliant.”

Moments later, co-host of The View, Joy Behar, took to Twitter and tweeted her support saying:

“I just don’t understand why conservatives don’t take Vice-President Harris seriously. I mean, she’s a very serious person with serious ideas and serious job responsibilities. I think Kamala Harris is seriously and significantly serious.”

During a back-and-forth with reporters, White House Press Secretary Karine Jean-Pierre was asked to weigh in on the Vice-President’s remarks, to which Jean-Pierre replied,

“I’m unaware of the Vice-President’s comments. If you have questions, you should really ask her representatives, not me. And I would just remind everyone that the prior administration used to say really stupid stuff too.”

While there has been much speculation that Harris may end up replacing President Joe Biden before his term is complete, through the exercising of the 25th Amendment or perhaps by other means, many Democrats seem to be unsure of whether Harris should be considered the heir apparent for 2024. Rumors have swirled that perhaps Transportation Secretary Pete Buttigieg should be next in line. When asked for his own observations on Harris’ speech, Buttigieg chose his words carefully:

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“As a black woman with some Asian heritage, Vice-President Harris checks off a lot more boxes of the intersectional coalition than I do. I’m just a gay white guy, so if you’re trying to get me to say Kamala is a complete moron, you can forget it. Please excuse me now, I’ have to get back to my paternity leave.”

This morning, President Joe Biden was eating his Fruit Loops and had this to say about Harris’ weekend wisdom, “Caramel? Oh yeah, I know her. She’s great. Now go away before I call the cops.”

By Mondayus Satiricus

Mondayus Satircus is a non-binary political reporter whose preferred pronouns are kazhe/kazhim/kazhis and you had better use the proper pronouns. Kazhe has doctorate degrees in Journalism from Harvard, Yale, Princeton, Columbia, and the University of California Berkeley. Mondayus enjoys spending kazhis spare time smoking banana peels and tending to kazhis pet crickets. Kazhe does not participate in social media since none of you are worthy of kazhis attention.

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The views and opinions expressed in this article are solely those of the author and do not necessarily represent those of The Blue State Conservative. The BSC is not responsible for, and does not verify the accuracy of, any information presented.

Notice: This article is complete satire, so lighten up.

Featured photo by Gage Skidmore from Peoria, AZ, United States of America, CC BY-SA 2.0 <https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/2.0>, via Wikimedia Commons