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Mondayus Satiricus

Asked For His Opinion on Roe Versus Wade, Biden Answers “Wade”… Explains He Doesn’t Like Boats [Satire]

In a related story, while participating in a fiery-but-mostly-peaceful riot in Washington D.C., Rep. Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez (D-NY) was asked to weigh in on Friday’s controversial Supreme Court decision Dobbs Vs. Jackson, the Congresswoman then put down her Molotov cocktail and explained, “Dobbs was a character in that racist TV show F-Troop. They’re all racists. Everything is racist, and this decision was racist.

Democrats Declare Democracy Is Biggest Threat To Our Democracy, Could End All Democracies [Satire]

On Wednesday, Joy Behar, co-host of The View, suggested that women in America should commence with a “sex strike” in retaliation for the Supreme Court decision. On Thursday as a follow-up to Behar’s suggestion, a Blue State Conservative/Trending Politics poll showed that 101% of American men strongly supported Behar’s commitment to refrain from sex.  

Pelosi And Schiff Announce New January 7th Committee: “We’re Sure Trump Did Something Bad That Day Too” [Satire]

Vice-President Kamala Harris was more than willing to offer a detailed opinion of the January 7th Committee: “A committee happens when a bunch of people get together and talk about things. Important things, like the significance of the passage of time, and how exciting space is. And busing, especially busing. Did you know that President Biden opposed busing when I was a little girl?”

Chris Wallace To Be Named New CDC Director… Insists “I Can Fix It” [Satire]

According to a White House statement released this morning, Assistant Press Secretary Dick Dipshchitz stated, “President Biden recognizes the need for change at the top of the CDC. They’ve lost almost all their credibility and they only have a 4% approval rating according to recent polls, with a 3% margin of error. The president believes Chris Wallace is the one who can right the ship.”