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Monday Satire

Trump Offers $100 Million To Megan Rapinoe And Rosie O’Donnell For MMA Steel Cage Match [Satire]

During a press conference to announce the potential fight, Trump explained: “This fight is going to be yuge! The biggest ever! It’s going to be a spectacle the likes of which the world has never seen! Rosie and the purple-haired soccer lady duking it out, it’s going to be can’t-miss television. We’re still negotiating how many rounds the fight will be. My team is telling me we should make it a 3-round fight, but I’m hoping to make it a 20-round fight, without gloves and permitting brass knuckles.”

VP Kamala Harris Explains “The Significance Of The Passage Of Seriousness” [Satire]

Earlier this year, Vice-President Kamala Harris gave us her thoughts on the profoundness of “The significance of the passage of time,” which was arguably the best speech by a Vice-President since Walter Mondale’s comparison of the Shah of Iran and the shops of Iraq. Then last week, Harris again shared her extensive knowledge with us with a lesson on being serious. But yesterday, Ms. Harris outdid herself by combining key aspects of both of those orations,

A Week After Renouncing U.S. Citizenship, Billy Joe Armstrong Declares Plan To Renounce U.K. Citizenship Next [Satire]

Meanwhile, British Immigration Minister Alistair Piccadilly weighed in with this explanation: “Mr. Armstrong isn’t even a British citizen yet, how can he renounce a citizenship he doesn’t even have? It’s completely mental. And, incidentally, we jolly well weren’t planning on giving him citizenship to begin with. Why in heaven’s name would we? That man is a total wanker.”

Asked For His Opinion on Roe Versus Wade, Biden Answers “Wade”… Explains He Doesn’t Like Boats [Satire]

In a related story, while participating in a fiery-but-mostly-peaceful riot in Washington D.C., Rep. Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez (D-NY) was asked to weigh in on Friday’s controversial Supreme Court decision Dobbs Vs. Jackson, the Congresswoman then put down her Molotov cocktail and explained, “Dobbs was a character in that racist TV show F-Troop. They’re all racists. Everything is racist, and this decision was racist.

Democrats Declare Democracy Is Biggest Threat To Our Democracy, Could End All Democracies [Satire]

On Wednesday, Joy Behar, co-host of The View, suggested that women in America should commence with a “sex strike” in retaliation for the Supreme Court decision. On Thursday as a follow-up to Behar’s suggestion, a Blue State Conservative/Trending Politics poll showed that 101% of American men strongly supported Behar’s commitment to refrain from sex.